This guy came in and told me that he was the former Mayor of Los Angeles. “Yeah, sure but what have you done lately.” “Well, I’m running for governor.”

I instantly saw the possibilities and we hammered out a deal that if I throw my considerable support behind the campaign I’ll get an ambassadorship. This amiable fellow, Richard Riordan, is a venture capitalist (music to us around here) and is also in the restaurant business. He was very interested in my food and labor costs and we a fun talk about the “biz.” Mayor Riordan practiced his campaign speech on me and, in the best Groucho Marxian vein, it goes as follows: “Thank you my fellow Californian’s for electing me Governor. Governor Davis has spent four years ruining this state and now it’s my turn.”

We discussed the famous lobster incident at the restaurant Gladstone’s (the largest restaurant in LA) in which his kids are the majority stockholders. It seems that the guy running Gladstone’s had gigantic, ancient lobster in a tank as a pet of the restaurant. Now, Gladstone’s is this massive place at the beach in Pacific Palisades right next to Malibu and they get their fair share of movie stars. It seems that Mary Tyler Moore felt that it was cruel to keep this lobster in a tank when it could be frolicking off Maine with its ilk. As I recall, the Gladstone guy told her he wasn’t interested in sending the old critter home because Gladstone’s was its home. Moreover, they actually ate lobsters at Gladstone’s as food! Mary was horrified and there was a dustup which caught the attention of that culinary vigilante, Rush Limbaugh. The perennially famished Rush, offered to come out West and eat the lobster in situ. This was too much for Mary and she raised sufficient ruckus that the Gladstone guy told he she could have the lobster and he gave it to her. Mary arranged to fly the old girl home to live out her golden years, but unfortunately the lobster died on the airplane. I have no report on whether Mary was arrested or not. If anyone knows please fill me in.

Now I don’t know much about politics since I lost the senate bid but I can say that Richard and I became fast friends and his charm and energy are truly infectious. Plus, he has offered me the ambassadorial post to the Sudan. He told me it was next to France and that sounds good enough to me.